A Badass Day To Be ApophisBieber
by JadedVegetableWarUnion
Summary: When the only singer able to rally the House and gods is targeted by a punkass serpent, it's up to the Kanes and a Friskies-loving god to sort it out. Not to mention a particular fire elementalist...


**1. I Face My Worst Enemy In Ways Unexpected**

**C**

**A**

**R**

**T**

**E**

**R**

Hi, as you may have noticed, the world is going to end from our last recording we sent out three months ago. Well, just for a confidence-booster, the situation has gotten worse. Mr Insanely Happy Apophis has risen from Desjardin's execration and more motivated to end the world than ever. [Ow! Why do you always hit me when I tell the truth?] Sadie just kicked me in the shins for trying to frighten you. Fine, but personally, there is every reason why you should be scared.

We only have minutes until Apophis manages to pick his way to get back at the House of Life so we have to intervene quickly. The Serpent has picked his (or should I say Ït?") target. As we once learned the hard way, music is a type of magic as Thoth said. A famous singer called Justin Bieber has been chosen. His voice, as Sadie said, could rally even the most passionate of music-haters. So that means he can rally the House of Life and the gods to fight together. But I disagree. I mean, I've seen the guy, and personally, this can sound a bit mean, but he doesn't look like someone worth saving with his fringe and babyish face. And what Sadie said about rallying even the strongest haters is horribly hopeful.

We cruised through the streets with Bast in a Corvette. 'we told you not you borrow a car, Bast!'I shouted over the roar of the engine.

She grinned at me as we raced through the streets. 'We have to get to Lieber's concert before it starts! This tomcat is the best way to get there!'

'Bieber,'my boy-crazy sister corrected.

'Ágh!' Khufu agreed, with his arms wrapped protectively around his Molten basketball. His Laker's jersey fluttered behind him like a cape.

We had brought our magical equipment with us (obviously), but Sadie had packed something extra. She patted her large green sports bag nervously.

'What's in it?'I asked. She looked at me and something glittered in her eyes.

'Just some potions,' she replied unconvincingly.

I knew she ws lying but I didn't bother pressing any further. Besides, we had a girly singer to save.

Suddenly, we screeched to a halt. The smell of burning rubber invaded our noses. Believe me, it smelt worse than Shezmu's perfume [Shut up, Sadie. You got took advantage of the situation. With the right circumstances, I'll turn the tables on you!].

'We're here!'Bast said. Her form shimmered and she was wearing an expensive red coat.

We got out and ran towards the entrance. _Í__'__mun_,' I said.

The hieroglyph for _Hide_glimmered shortly and a cloud of darkness enveloped me. 'Why can't I get in the cloud too?'Sadie complained.

'Because seeing a grown woman by herself at a concert for teenagers is strange. She needs a drooling Bieber fan,' I explained.

Sadie elbowed me in the ribs. Í'll get you for that,' she muttered and followed Bast.

I quickly shoved through the crowds and ran towards backstage. When I rounded a corner, I bumped into someone I'd least expect.

''Zia?'I exclaimed, confused and also slightly nervous.

'Carter?' she demanded. 'Where are you? An invisibility spell?,'

I blushed but recovered, gathering my thoughts. 'Don't tell me one of those Bieber fans!'I said, terror setting in.

'Him?'she said and snorted. 'Please. We were sent to assist you in saving that half-witted singer. Now let's move it!,'

I nodded and followed her to the stage. We climbed on top and rushed to a door with a gold plaque reading "Back-Stage".

'Ladies first,'I said lamely.

She nodded as if approving and then used her staff to blow open the door. And what we saw was something so horrific, I almost screamed.

Bast and Sadie were fighting off a monstrosity. Sadie was in her glowing protective circle, casting magical fireballs at the green thing while Bast was slashing away with her combat avatar.

At first, I thought the thing was a reed mutated with those crazy viruses in zombie movies or maybe someone's spell gone wonky.. Then I realised what was wrong. The thing was a man with shining red scales. His hair was now a mass of writhing red snakes, similar to Medusa in those myths. But I knew this was Apophis.

'Who's that?'I shouted.

Sadie turned for a moment and we locked eyes. Óh, God,'I muttered, drawing my staff and wand. Zia followed suit.

'Why isn't he as powerful?'I asked Zia without moving my gaze.

'That singer doesn't have the blood of the phaorahs. The host is imperfect,'Zia responded, quickly without drawing attention to herself, making a magic circle.

I summoned a combat avatar and we began the fight. Bast twirled and whirled, slashing with her knives. But each time the knife came near, Apophis would do something and he would appear somewhere else.

We cast spell after spell and atacked swipe after swipe but it never connected with the Serpent. Bast's combat avatar. Began flickering as she tired and I could understand what she meant. _Grappling__with__the__enemy__for__eternity._

Just before I depleted my magic, Sadie did something I'd never expected.

She bent down for a moment, still casting spells and zipped open her green bag. She pulled out large objects and threw them at Bast, Zia and I.

I caught one and looked at it, stunned. Zia thought so too. 'Why didn't I-' she started but Sadie shouted something.

What I was holding was a packet of explosives and weapons. I reached in and brought out a pair of UZIs.

I smiled dumbly. Then I brought them up and aimed them at Apophis. 'Take this, you ##*#&#*#&&&#*#!$&!^!'I screamed, pulling the trigger.

Zia was in total badass mode with her holding a magical RPG. When she fired, she didn't need to reload. Rockets automatically appeared on the muzzle for firing after the previous one was launched. Explosions ripped the building apart. I was surprised that the entire stage didn't collapse. Smoke veiled us as we were locked in combat with the most dangerous creature to be unleashed on the universe.

But Sadie won the prize for being on rampage mode. Sadie raged as she sprayed her magically-altered chaingun in every direction. I was lucky that I was encased in a avatar otherwise I would've died. She screamed some curses. As we fired, Apohpis shook as gunfire pounded his body. I couldn't say I felt sorry for Bieber as we launched hailstorm after hailstorm of lead projectiles.

There was a brief pause. I hoped that it would be enough to kill Apohpis or at least blast him deep into the Duat.

Apophis stopped. Slowly, I stood up. His scales were not just red with the colour now. His eyes glowed faint orange now. I stared hopefully. And then he laughed. It resonated deep from his throat. It wasn't the annoying laugh that I had heard of Bieber when I saw him the first time on Youtube (I didn't want to watch it- Sadie forced me to!). It was the evil laugh of the Serpent. 'Nice try,'he said, Chaos magic starting to take effect on us. The only one who didn't seem affected was Sadie.

She ripped open a package and withdrew a load of grenades. They were bunched together with string as it also connected all of the rings of the grenades. Sadie pulled out all of the rings and tossed the bunch at Apophis. Startled, he caught it.

He only had time to hiss, 'What?'before the world's biggest explosion tore through him. Bits of snake brain and the occasional snake head flew through the air.

We staired in amazement at Sadie. She finally noticed us and turned bright red, almost as red us the floor scattered with snake.

'What?' she demanded. Í felt a bit hyperactive today!'

'Thanks guys!'said a kid somewhere happily. Í'm gonna post that on Youtube!'

We turned and saw Felix race off with a camcorder in his hands.

'PenguinVEVO's account has sixty billion hits, dudes!'Felix said, turning his Macbook's screen towards us.

We studied the Youtube page. The video "Snake Smackdown-Better Than those epic movie trailers" had indeed gotten sixty billion views. The whole of 21st Nome were watching except for Amos whom was busy in his duties as Chief Lector.

'Dudes, I'm rich!'he said back in Brooklyn, showing off his new Rolex.

Jaz, Sadie, Walt and I looked at eachother. Then we advanced on Felix, flanking him. 'No need to thank me, man! Being a star already does that for itself!' he said.

I forced a smile. 'Yeah! Maybe someday, I'll join you,'

'Maybe, Carter!'Felix said smugly, as he opened his new iPhone 4S.

Our gang locked eyes with each other for the second time and we had a silent eye conversations. _We__'__ll__rob__Felix__at__night,_ I said with my eyes. They nodded.


End file.
